I was recently assigned a mini project for my Technical Writing class where I had to write down a "process" on how to do something. I could have picked something simple like how to make a PB&J sandwich, but I decided to do something a little more interesting. Below are the steps one has to take to become a hipster. Now, not all of the steps are listed due to a word limit for the assignment, but I think these are some of the more important aspects to the hipster lifestyle. So please, sit back, grab a PBR and enjoy.
Items needed:
Items needed:
· Easy access to any thrift store (ARC, Goodwill) or any vintage store
· Square rim glasses
· Scarf or thin tie
· A single-gear road bike
· Case of Pabst Blue Ribbon
· Demo tapes/vinyl records
· Collection of Wes Anderson movies
· Film camera
· Dictionary
Step One: Throw out all of your clothes, except for any old, vintage t-shirts from the 80’s and skinny jeans you might have. You will not need any of those polo shirts and baggy jeans anymore. Any ironic t-shirts you might have lying around will be perfect as well.
Step Two: Go to your nearest ARC, Goodwill, or thrift store and buy more distressed, vintage t-shirts, skinny jeans, blazers and Keds or Sperry Top-Siders. Also purchase a variety of scarves (primarily plaid, but other styles work as well) or a thin tie, and a pair of square rim glasses. The combination of these items will give you the look of a hipster, but now you have to act like one if you want those true hipsters in your Political Science class to take you seriously. Going out without learning their language will make you look like a try-hard* and they will laugh at you and insult you with big words you won’t be able to understand.
Step Three: Quit your job unless you work at a coffee shop like the Alley Cat or Starry Night. If you want other hipsters to take you seriously, you need to work at a coffee shop, or at the very least, have no job and just hang out at one all hours of the day. You will also need to change your major to Art or Philosophy. No self-respecting hipster is a Business major.
Step Four: Go to a liquor store on your single gear road bike/”fixie”** (as long as you are of legal drinking age), or have another hipster friend buy you a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR). Once embracing the hipster way of life, you will learn you have no money for good beer, so your drink of choice will always be PBR.
Step Five: Start collecting vinyl records and demo tapes from indie and underground bands that are NOT on the radio. Nothing is more try-hard than listening to a band that people have heard of before.
Step Six: Purchase every Wes Anderson movie ever created (The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Royal Tenenbaums, etc.) and learn them all by heart. You will also need to be able to point out their irony and how un-mainstream they are.
Step Seven: You will need to purchase or find one of your parent’s old film cameras (the older the better), and take pictures of random objects you see in alleys or while walking on campus. You can also take pictures of people, but make sure they are over dressed and holding random objects. You will also need to make sure the exposure is set super high so the photos turn out faded and washed out (see below example).
Photo courtesy of Alison Berreman
Step Eight: Your journey to becoming a hipster is almost complete. Your final step is to find a vintage dictionary and study it like you have never studied before. As mentioned earlier, hipsters have a broad vocabulary and like to use large words like “ubiquitous” and “penchant”. With this new vocabulary, you will also need to become more sarcastic and ironic.
Once you have mastered their language, throw on your seemingly poor looking clothes that in all actuality, cost you an arm and a leg, grab a PBR, your camera and head over to a coffee shop on your fixie.
* - A try-hard is a person who dresses like a hipster, but does not actually follow their way of life.
** - A “fixie” is a fixed gear bicycle.
No comments:
Post a Comment